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Have you ever wondered whether your long distance relationship love is who they say they are or whether you’re being scammed?
If not (and especially if you haven’t met in person yet) you should wonder this.
Long distance relationship scams (or romance scams, as they’re more commonly called) are shockingly common. In 2017 the FBI received more than 15,000 reports linked to romance scams in the US. Most of those involved had sent money to the scammer.
You want to hear something even more shocking? The FBI estimates that only 15% of these crimes ever get reported.
You might think you’d be too smart to fall for something like this, but don’t underestimate how good romance scammers are at getting money out of people. The scenarios we’re going to talk about below may seem completely obvious when you see the scam details laid out in plain type, but they can be made to sound incredibly plausible when they unfold step by step and your emotions are involved. In fact, one recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald reported that the online dating scams they studied had a conversion rate of more than 50 per cent, which meant that more than half of people targeted on romance websites end up losing money!
So set aside your pride for a moment and read this article—it may save you thousands of dollars and a whole load of heartache.
Below, I’ll tell you how romance scams usually work, outline 5 common romance scams, 5 common signs you’re being scammed, and 9 ways you can protect yourself.
5 Common Long Distance Relationship Romance Scams
Romance scams are usually a form of organized crime. Sure, some scammers are individuals, but many involve syndicates. They are literally call centers, with people running multiple relationships. And the conversion rates prove that they are very good at what they do.
So how do they get started?
Well, a scammer identifies you as a potential victim on social media or an online dating site. They stalk you online and get a sense of your likes and dislikes. Then, when they connect with you, they pretend to have all these things in common with you. That fosters a fast, deep sense of connection.
The scammer will often pretend to be a professional working overseas—an American vet working in Dubai, for example. Or an Australian in the army, a British engineer working on an oil rig, or a humanitarian aid worker. Scammers targeting men might pretend to be an educated woman living in the Philippines, or Thailand. These sorts of stories provides semi-plausible reasons for them for video calls to be hard to make, and (later) why they need your help.
After they make the initial contact, the scammer will then spend weeks or months grooming you—contacting you every day, telling you lovely things—thing you want to hear, sending gifts, and gaining your love and trust.
Once you’re emotionally emmeshed in the relationship, they ask for money. If you send them money, they will usually ask again—coming up with another reason why they need more money from you. And again, and again, and again… Some people—smart people—have lost literally hundreds of thousands of dollars this way.
Here are five ways a scammer will commonly make the ask.
1. The medical emergency scam
Maybe a relative gets very sick and they need money for an urgent surgery or life-saving medication. Or there’s a car accident and they or other family members have been injured and need money for medical treatment. The possibilities are endless.
2. The meet-up scam
They tell you all about how they can’t wait to come visit you… if only they had the money. After you pay for their ticket and/or visa costs, however, they are further delayed or just never arrive.
3. The Anniversary scam
They use holidays (like Valentine’s Day) and special “relationship anniversaries” (like “4 weeks since we met and our lives changed forever”) to smoothly ask for money for a noble cause (like the ones mentioned above) instead of a “gift”.
4. The frozen bank account or rejected credit card scam
One popular version of this plays off the meet-up scam: The big day is here, they’re finally coming and you’ll get to meet! Except… they ring you and tell they’re at the airport all ready to come visit, but suddenly their credit card was rejected. They urgently need to borrow some money to pay for the ticket and catch the plane. They’ll pay you back as soon as the credit card issue is resolved, of course.
Or they’re in another country (often scammers will pose as people who are traveling or living abroad for work) and their bank account is inexplicably frozen. They need money for some urgent reason. Could you wire it to them?
Always, always question this frozen bank account story. For example, there are no circumstances ― ever ― in which a real member of the military from the US, Canada, the UK, etc needs to ask for money for service-related transportation, medical care or administrative fees. Ever.
5. The sexual blackmail scam
Here, the scammer wants you to get (ahem) virtually naked. If you engage in any sexual talk or play via a webcam, or send any nude photos of yourself, these are gold for scammers. In the traditional sexual blackmail scam, the scammer will threaten to send them to your family, friends, or work colleagues (or just post them online with your name and other identifying details) if you don’t give them money.
5 Clear Warning Signs That You’re Being Scammed
The most sophisticated scammers are very hard to spot. Their English will be good, they will often talk to you on the phone, they may send you flowers and gifts, and they will spend months (sometimes years) building a close relationship with you.
But many scammers still aren’t quite on that level, thankfully. Here are five signs that should make you wonder if you’re being scammed.
1. You meet online, and after just a few connections they profess strong feelings for you.
They might say/write that they feel like you’re “the one,” or tell you they love you. They will say things that paint vivid pictures of happy romance in your mind, like, ““I can’t wait to marry you and hold your hand to show the whole world how much I love you.”
2. If you met on a dating site, a scammer will try and move you away from the site to communicate via private chat or email as quickly as possible.
They often do that by saying they’ve just cancelled their subscription, or they can only send a couple of messages for free on the dating site. They’ll say these thing, then give you an email address and invite you to connect by email. Or they send you (very attractive) pictures and tell you they’ll send more by email.
3. The content and style of their messages doesn’t line up with what they tell you about themselves.
For example, they say they are university educated, have a professional position, or come from a Western country, but their English is poor and there are odd spelling and grammar mistakes in their emails.
4. They only want to communicate via email (or maybe telephone). They won’t get on a video call with you.
Long Distance Dating Websites
They keep making excuses about there being no webcam available, or that the internet bandwidth doesn’t support video. This last excuse is particularly plausible because in many places in the world (remember, the scammer usually pretends to be overseas for professional reasons) the internet doesn’t support video very well.
5. They always have a good excuse as to why you can’t meet in person.
Maybe they’re in the army and on active deployment, or working as a contractor on an oil rig, or… there may be lots of reasons they can’t travel to meet you right now. These same scenarios (they’re stuck on the oil rig, they can’t access their civilian bank account) can be used to set up the “ask”.
9 Ways To Protect Yourself From Being Scammed
So if scammers are really that good at getting people to give them money, can you protect yourself? Yes!! Here are 9 great ways to protect yourself from being taken for a really un-fun type of “romance ride.”
1. Always consider the possibility you’re being scammed from the start of every new online relationship.
It’s really hard to accept that you’re being scammed once your emotions are significantly involved. Once we’ve “fallen” for someone we will actively look for ways to believe that they’re telling us the truth. So approach every new online relationship with caution.
2. Check their photos.
Use the free Google Image Search to see where else the photos have appeared. Click on the camera icon in the search box and then drag in or upload a picture. Google will show you where that image has been posted online. You may be able to see if it was used by someone else or if it has been reported to a scam list.
3. Keep the conversation on the dating site for a while.
Most scammers will try to move you away from the dating site very quickly, because dating sites are getting better at identifying scammers and blocking their profiles. So stay on the dating site while you’re exchanging those initial emails.
4. Do some online research on your new love interest.
Check out 7 Simple Ways To Background Check Someone You Meet Online.
5. Check the text of their messages.
Many scammers are literally working from scripts. Cut and paste some of the messages from your new online friend and see if identical or very similar messages pop up.
6. Check where their emails are coming from.
Computers, smartphones and tablets are all assigned an IP address that shows you the country of origin. Every email has a header that reveals the IP address of the device that sent it. You can learn how to find the header of an email and analyze it here to find the IP address of the device that sent it. And you can learn how to find the approximate location of that IP address here.
7. Invite them to video chat.
Very few scammers will be prepared to get on video with you. They will make all sorts of excuses for why they can’t, but take those excuses with a grain of salt. Not being able to get access to a webcam in this day and age is suspect—especially for educated professionals—no matter where they’re working.
8. Do not share personal pictures or videos with anyone you have not met in person.
Intimate pictures and videos can come back to bite you later in two ways. Your partner can use them as “revenge porn” after a nasty breakup, or they can be used to straight-out blackmail you by a scammer.
9. Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person.
Look, even if you’re not being scammed, if someone you’ve only recently met online needs to turn to you for financial help then they (a) aren’t very good at managing their personal finances; and (b) don’t have a good, supportive network of friends and family who can help them out during a crisis. Both of these things should independently make you question whether or not you really want to be in a relationship with this person.
But, seriously, guys, this last point bears repeating. I know you think you’re too smart to do this but you might not be.
So make it a personal rule before you ever start dating online that you will never ever send money. That way you’ll be more prepared to say no if you ever get asked, because chances are by the time you’re asked for money you’re not going to be thinking logically. You’ll be thinking with your heart instead of your head, and your heart will want to help someone you care about because your heart is kind and good and probably a little bit lonely.
So guard that lonely heart well, will you? It could save you thousands of dollars and (possibly even more importantly) a whole lot of hurt.
Stay in touch by signing up for my FREE 5-day course, LDR ESSENTIALS.
- 10 surprising ways that bring in a LDR is good for you
- 10 questions you should ask each other early on
- 3 big LDR pitfalls (and how to avoid them)
- 4 fun LDR activities you probably haven't tried, and more...
Distance Is Not the End-All of Relationships
Long Distance Dating App
If you are in a long-distance relationship, you know better than anyone else how much of a gigantic bummer they are.
It’s the little things like long hugs after work and kisses on the cheek while on dates that you miss the most. The monotony of scheduled calls and video chats also takes its toll on most couples, making the experience harder.
What you probably don’t know is that there is a lot that you can do with your partner even when you’re physically apart!
Below are sixteen long distance date ideas you should try to spice things up in your LDR and better connect with your beau.
16 Virtual Date Ideas for LDRs That Let You Have Fun Together… But Apart
Movie/TV show/Concert marathons
This is the easiest long-distance date idea to plan and carry out!
There are different ways to do this, but they all require you to be constantly communicating.
You could be watching the movie separately but keeping in touch through texts to share your reactions. Or you could make it more intimate by using a video call to watch each other’s reactions to the movie.
You can also find couples’ apps that let you enjoy your favorite shows together:
Rabb.it
The issue with regular, old-fashioned movie marathons is that they may sometimes be too complicated to execute. You may have to switch back and forth between screens with the show you’re streaming on one and your video call on another.
Rabb.it streamlines this, allowing you to both stream and chat via the same platform.
Rave
Rave, on the other hand, focuses more on regular videos and music as opposed to movies and TV shows. It allows you and your partner to curate your very own virtual concert for a fun date night.
The best part is that it syncs everything together:
You do not have to worry about awkward delays as you and your beau jam together with the simultaneous play!
Kast
Kast stands out with its streaming party feature that allows you to invite guests to your movie night. It could be a virtual double date or even a game night with your shared friends. This is ideal for those date nights where you want to hang out with more than just each other.
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Play some online games
This is one of the most versatile long-distance relationship date ideas, especially if you’re both avid gamers. Playing together or even against each other allows you to bond over something you love while hanging out and having fun.
If you have never played a video game in your life, do not fret, this idea is still valid. There are many other types of virtual date games you can play online:
- Online poker
- Monopoly
- Chess
- ‘20 Questions’
- WordFeud
Gay Long Distance Dating Site
The point is that you both challenge each other and get to enjoy yourselves.
Cook together
Love cooking? How about a cook-off with your beau?
You could try the same or different recipes and be your own judges. Honestly speaking, though, it isn’t really about how the meal turns out. It is about spending time together and creating something at the same time.
In this case, cooking while on a video call is a great idea. It gives the sense that he or she is in the kitchen with you and makes it all that much more fun.
Romantic dinner date
Just because you are far away, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy traditional dates like dinners. With video chatting services and the right setting, you could recreate the feeling of being at a restaurant together.
However, you have to put in some effort:
- Get out the fanciest tableware you have
- Set the mood with décor
- Choose a romantic playlist to play in the background
- Dress up to look as nice as possible
Virtual cocktail hour
Cocktail hour is ideal for long-distance dates if you just want to hang out without things getting too formal. Just grab your favorite drink on each side and get lost in the conversation!
The alcohol definitely plays a huge role in making the date a little more fun. It will help you get rid of the nerves and open up with more ease.
You could also make a whole game of it. Maybe you could try out mixology recipes and rate yourselves. Or you could find a fun drinking game to let loose with.
Take fun online classes
Another great way to spend time together while apart is taking online classes together.
It is important that you both find something that you are good at or at the very least interested in. It could be a business class, flying lessons, a research class, or whatever else you find.
To make it more interesting, synchronize your class schedules if you can so you can both attend class simultaneously. The good thing with this date idea is that it increases your common interests and gives you more to talk about.
Get creative together
You do not have to be a couple of virtuosos to do this. In fact, we bet it will be just as much fun with weird results as it would be if things actually turned out nice! The point is spending time together and trying something new.
One awesome idea to try out is to follow a painting tutorial online together and compare the results. You could have a lot of laughs and fun as you do it and after you reveal the final piece.
You could also work on DIY projects together, getting each other’s input, whether it is a home renovation project or a hand-made gift.
Answer couple’s questionnaires/quizzes
Whether you have just started your long-distance relationship or you have been together for years, there is still a lot that you may not know about each other and yourselves as a couple.
There is no better way to find out all of this information than through questions.
You could just go with the flow and ask whatever comes to mind. However, using online quizzes and questionnaires or even quiz card games is the best way to break the ice and get the conversation going.
Improvised scavenger hunts
A scavenger hunt is another great virtual date game to try. It might be a little harder to plan while apart, but it is, without a doubt, super fulfilling.
At least one of you needs to understand the city, neighborhood, or house layout for it to work. Also, instead of leaving clues all over the place, simply send them in the form of texts or deliver them through calls and let the hunter call back when they figure it out.
The best part is planning the surprise reward at the end. Here, let your imagination do all the work:
- It could be a care package with romantic gifts that you sent through the post office.
- Or maybe it is a surprise letter you left in their closet on your last visit.
- It could even be something fun and naughty like a video sex call as a reward for all the hard work.
Remember that it is all up to you how you want the game to end!
Dance Party
If you both love music and dancing, then the distance must be really playing games on your minds. I mean, you probably don’t want to go to the club without your person, but you miss letting loose.
If this is the story of your life, then a dance party should be your number one long-distance relationship date idea.
As with most other date ideas on this list, you will need to do this one while on a video call. Just come up with a killer playlist of your favorite songs and get dancing.
Work Out Together
A couple that works out together stays together. Couple workouts are a great way to bond while away from each other!
These days, there are numerous apps and online services designed for this specific niche. They allow you to plan activities together and monitor each other’s progress. That way, you are still fitness buddies despite being separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles.
Virtual Tours
A virtual tour is a great idea, especially for couples where one party has moved somewhere new. Now you get to show your love for the new city or the new apartment and bond over what you like or don’t like about the new environment.
Another awesome virtual tour idea for long-distance date nights is virtual haunted house trips. Get the crap scared out of you together with one of the many online scare or escape houses.
Word of caution though, if you scare easy, this might not be the best date idea for you because there’s no one to hold on to through all those jump scares.
But if you and beau have balls the size of Texas, then try it out and see if you can handle it.
Simple Skype Dates
Sometimes, all you need is some alone time together with no distractions. In this case, nothing hits the spot better than a long video call after work.
You get to see them and remind yourself of how much you love that smile or the twinkle in their eyes. You get to know what’s been going on in their lives.
It is simple yet highly effective when it comes to bonding while apart.
Get intimate
Intimacy suffers a lot in most long-distance relationships, which could be one reason for tension with your beau. So if you are looking for a way to make your virtual date nights a little more fun, you might want to get naughty time into the mix.
You could simply talk dirty to each other, have a steamy video chat, or even jazz things up with long-distance sex toys.
Dream about your future
Having a common end goal makes a world of difference when it comes to tempering inevitable LDR doubts and frustrations. Why not turn your long-distance date into an opening up session about your hopes and plans for the relationship?
Surprise Visits
Finally, why not give your partner a heart attack by visiting them unannounced? Plan a visit and surprise them! Trust me, this one-on-one interaction beats every other idea on this list 16-nil.
Conclusion
All these virtual dates are super easy to plan and execute. All you need is an adventurous spirit and a great internet connection.
Feel free to come up with other date ideas based on what you and your partner love to do. Just remember that it is all about spending extra time together and having as much fun as possible.